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Pt. 2 – Swallowing the pills of the past… 

It was a bitter pill to swallow, the inward denial and subsequent suppression of my true feelings numbed me completely. I was not only numbed from feeling pain, but from experiencing anything that was deemed unsafe – that included receiving love that in my adolescent estimation; I did not deserve. 

After there was nowhere to hide that I was self medicating the pain, life would soon hand me an even bigger pill to swallow – one that lent a bitter backstory of its own. This pill would be equipped with a villian that was simultaneously a savior in my eyes; and a hero that for years – had been the villian of my imagination. 

Pills and potions, the opened up a door I soon learned; would leave me addicted to the high of a soul made numb for years to come.

You’ll see what happens next in part 3…. 

Photo credit:123rf.com

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Don’t call him my stepdad….

Many complications have risen from me saying “my daddy” and having to specify… But I could never get behind calling the man who raised me and loved me and sacrificed for me – my stepdad. 

Yes, some say a step dad steps in but mine didn’t. He came running to my rescue, running to love me and to bring me flinstones vitamins and McDonald’s. He came running to stick around for me when things got rough. He came running to be my hero, before I ever recognized him as such. He came running when I was in trouble and my mother was ready to shut things down. He came running because I was his princess, to him – I’m too smart to make mistakes. In his eyes I’m too good of a girl to do anything wrong.:. And though his perception is one I have seldom lived up to, I now see how valuable he is. 

He loved me so well, nobody ever questioned whether he was my real dad. He loves me, to this day with everything he has and I never feel like my thank you is enough. I don’t feel like my “I love you daddy” adequately states what my soul really means when I say it.

Thank you for accepting me.

Thank you for choosing to love me.

Thank you for making sacrifices for me, those I know about and those I don’t. 

Thanks for being there whether I had a lizard that scared me or a little girl growing in my belly that did. 

Thank you; not for stepping in but for running to my rescue. 

Thank you for being my hero.

I love you daddy!