Butterflies…

They’re eggs, then worms, then they’re stuck in what must be frightening darkness and they come out and they’re beautiful… Cause they were always meant to be beautiful – they just didn’t know it when they were eggs and worms. Cool right?
Maybe we are all like butterflies, living our whole lives unaware of the beauty that will be and was always meant to be… 

Sometimes…

Sometimes I wonder if my love will be too much…

Will my kiss be too tender?

Will my hugs be too soft?

Will you have your fill of me?

Pt. 2 – Swallowing the pills of the past… 

It was a bitter pill to swallow, the inward denial and subsequent suppression of my true feelings numbed me completely. I was not only numbed from feeling pain, but from experiencing anything that was deemed unsafe – that included receiving love that in my adolescent estimation; I did not deserve. 

After there was nowhere to hide that I was self medicating the pain, life would soon hand me an even bigger pill to swallow – one that lent a bitter backstory of its own. This pill would be equipped with a villian that was simultaneously a savior in my eyes; and a hero that for years – had been the villian of my imagination. 

Pills and potions, the opened up a door I soon learned; would leave me addicted to the high of a soul made numb for years to come.

You’ll see what happens next in part 3…. 

Photo credit:123rf.com

Yayyyy 100 followers!!! I got a surprise for you!!!  

100 of you lovely folks have saw it fit to follow my little old blog! This awesome human (I think) below is my 100th follower and I’m stoked! 

  
Go ahead and follow their page! 

Now…. Drumroll please….. 

I am offering my ebook absolutely FREE to all my lovely followers!!!!

Just drop your email in the comment section and I’ll send over your ebook version of it! Here’s the cover so you get an idea of the awesomeness I’m offering free! 

  
Check out Our website for more book info and to view Testimonials from our readers! 

Go ahead and leave your email in the comments or fill out the contact form on the website to get your FREE eBook!!!!!

Flying blind… 

Two nights ago I was on a plane, there was turbulence and the only thing I could see out the window was darkness and clouds. Yeah, get ready for the really deep synopsis of my experience because it’s coming! 

But first, on the plane my first thought was to pray. Ironically enough I was reading a book that speaks of faith “The battle belongs to The Lord” by Joyce Meyer. Before I get all deep and profound on you guys – I was scared. 

I was on a plane much smaller than I’m used to. Everything indicated trouble, from the rattling of the plane to the rain splashing against the window and the looks on the faces of my fellow passengers but I prayed anyway. 

This pilot, some Middle Aged guy with a quaint smile that nodded at me as I entered the plane now held my life in his hands – like dude, I don’t even know you that well. So here I am, doing what I do each time I fly – trusting. 

We don’t know who our pilot is when we hop on a plane but we fly anyway. We do however; as believers, know God. We may be flying blind, but dang nabbit Richard (no idea who Richard is) we are flying with an almighty God that sees and knows all things! 

I’ve learned to fly blind and not think twice about it. I may not know the weather conditions, I may not know the state of the aircraft or the fuel levels but I know God is the pilot of my life and as long as He’s in charge – I don’t mind flying blind! 

“But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”

‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭40:31‬ ‭KJV


Live a little, love a lot, be a blessing! 


Featured image credit: Free Bird Diaries

Walk down mommy lane…

I told myself, that even if I had to raise you alone – I would dedicate my life to loving you and I meant it! Your eyes glistened with possibility and purity that I could no longer recognize in myself, you were my second chance. 

 
I failed you baby, every time I lost sight of your wonder and neglected to tend to the little things that felt so urgent to you. You are the funniest, kindest and most beautiful little person I’ve ever laid eyes on. But you already know that!

   

 You coming into the world was the scariest thing I’ve ever encountered and the most beautiful journey I’ve ever embarked on. I was prepared to love you, all by myself with the family and friends who are just thrilled at your very existence. 

We make a great team ☺️

 
Only now, God sent a man our way who loves us both so much better than I’ve ever imagined. You’re such a blessing, now we get to share our love with someone that sees you as clearly as I do…

 

Bad attitude, big problem…

It seems that these days we almost idolize having a bad attitude. We celebrate snarky comments and bad behavior and as a very sarcastic young lady myself – I get it.

However, do you have an off switch? 

  • Are you able to put the satire aside long enough to let people get close to you?
  •  Are you constantly afraid to be vulnerable?
  • Are you petrified of people getting to close to you?

                  
Well you my dear, are not just sarcastic… You’re broken. Satire can be a really cool personality trait with witty comebacks and hidden humor – or it can be a danger sign of insecurity.

“Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person.” ‭‭Colossians‬ ‭4:6‬ ‭NASB‬‬

If this is what scripture says about our speech, are we really following it? That’s not to say you can’t share in a nice healthy retort with close friends and family but if you find yourself using satire or sarcasm to mask how you really feel – stop. 

Take a moment and ask God right in this moment to reveal the hidden matters of your heart. Ask God to show you any fears of intimacy you may be faced with.  

Your attitude just may be causing you problems that can be avoided, especially when there are those who love you and genuinely want to get to know you better. Your constant sarcasm says “I’ll only let you in this far” and creates a brick wall between you and real intimacy.

I know, it’s a coping mechanism I used it myself for years and I still have to pause at times and allow Holy Spirit to check me … So umm, examine your heart and examine what’s really behind your bad attitude.  

Until next time,

Live a little, love a lot, be a blessing!

Swallowing the pills of the past…

God reprimanded me like only He can about he content I’ve shared on here. For something entitled “memoirs of Keisha” there was very little insight into my history so here goes!

A great deal of my childhood is blurred, based on my subconscious coping method of forgetting what hurt.

During my healing process, God forced me to face some truths. 

  1. My self loathing didn’t begin with the habitual cheating of my first real boyfriend.
  2. Despite my ability to help others, I was drowning in depression since childhood.
  3. I had no idea who I was and I spent my life allowing everyone else to tell me who I ought to be. 

So, here goes nothing. When I was 11, I hated everything around me. I was briefly separated from my mother and felt abandoned, I was sad but instead of talking I decided I would forget once and for all. My adolescence included great battles with suicide and failed attempts that made me feel like… You guessed it, a failure! I mean, I couldn’t even die right.

The world I pictured without me was better off. I would do everyone a favor and just disappear. I began self medicating, I stole my uncle’s pain medication and took a few – it left me in a daze for days (that rhymed) – but someone noticed. My aunt called me in and asked about the pills, my world crumbled, not only did I fail at dying – I had to now share the embarrassment with my aunt who was aware of my shortcomings.

I was sad, I had hurt I couldn’t explain so I pretended it didn’t exist. But – I couldn’t be sad, they would be disappointed… 

I wanted love, I just didn’t know where to find it, I didn’t know what it looked like.

Photo credit: rebloggy.com

To be continued… 

The stupid church…

“His watchmen are blind, They are all ignorant; They are all dumb dogs, They cannot bark; Sleeping, lying down, loving to slumber.”‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭56:10‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

I listened to a teaching at a prayer congress today.

It made my heart repentant and sorrowful for my part in the laziness and complacent nature of today’s church. 

Holy Spirit revealed to me just how we are blind, deaf and dumb. These shortcomings all stem from a lack of fervent and effectual prayer that makes access to God’s voice available to us. 

We are deaf, so out of tune with what the voice of God is saying because the white noise of life has undoubtedly distracted us.

We are dumb and unable to declare the sound of heaven into the earth because we can only reproduce the nature of what we deposit. As in the natural, we can’t plant figs and expect pomegranates. So, in the spirit – whatever seed we plant; that also will we reap! 

“Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life.”  ‭‭Galatians‬ ‭6:7-8‬ ‭NKJV‬

If being deaf and dumb were not enough, we are also blind! The enemy has managed to dismantle all of our essential channels….

Being blind – lack of vision. 

We lack vision for a number of reasons; counterfeit ministries and doctrines have been formed and widely accepted because there has been no seeking, no desperate and urgent pursuing of God’s presence. 

We preach on the enemy “creeping in” to our churches. This hasn’t been the case. Someone that creeps or sneaks in must first be at risk of being detected or fear some direct consequence of being discovered.

Satan isn’t creeping! He is roaming to and fro – openly and with great effort! 

How long will we be a stupid church? How long until we seek God for real? How long until we quit despising an hour in prayer but welcoming 2 hour movies? 

How long until we actually do the seeking in order to find? 

How long until we actually knock on the door of breakthrough so it can be opened to us? 

How long will we be as dogs that cannot even bark, therefore rendering ourselves ineffective gatekeepers? A dog that cannot bark – cannot alert those he’s protecting of impending danger or trespassers. 

Let’s repent:

Dear Lord, God of our salvation and deliverance. We have failed you, turn our hearts to your desires rather than our agenda and humble our hearts into a posture of worship and prayer. May we pray earnestly with all urgency, and may we marry our requests with faith. For we know that without faith it is impossible to please you. In Jesus name, amen

Frightening fantasy…

My fantasies have taken a frightful turn. They’re not even about me anymore. 

My utmost desire is to witness the healing power of God move. My immense and passionate hope is that the power of God be revealed in its fullness and that I am both a witness and a channel of His glory. 

It’s frightful to think that this miraculous and all powerful God considers a wretch like me in His plans… 

But it’s beautifully frightening, like the thrill of being on a swing set and going just a little higher than you anticipated and feeling the little tingle.

Whatever God has created me to be, that I am for His pleasure. 

Live a little, love a lot, be a blessing! 

– ShaKeisha M – 

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