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Inspiration

Black girl in therapy…

Yesterday I started therapy. I hated every moment of vulnerability I was subjected to but I knew it was necessary for me. It was time I took back the power of my life’s narrative and dictate exactly who I am and what my life will be. However, deep down in my well seasoned Caribbean soul is this nagging guilt that I’ve failed. Somehow, my need for professional help made me weak. I just knew that what I had tried in the past, wasn’t working.

I couldn’t snap out of it. I could no longer pretend that cycles of depression were just a part of life. I could no longer pretend that there aren’t moments I feel as if I am drowning in a sea of my own turmoil. I could no longer hide my dysfunction in praying it through, when I know the Lord Himself directed me to process things fully with the therapist I chose. For me, I chose a strong black woman; a mother and wife whose soul is postured to heal the broken and bridge the gap between science and spirituality. I love her spirit and I am determined to fall in love with the discomfort, pain and weight of this journey.

I have come to realize that in order to be who I truly am meant to be; I have to uproot everything that’s not. I have to face the lies I have believed about myself and expose them to the light of accountability. My journey looks like prayer, praise and therapy – what’s yours going to be?

Listen, you can keep your pain and your pride or you can gain healing and true self confidence. You may not need therapy, but whatever you need; whatever your soul is longing for to help you heal – run after it!

Live a little, love a lot, be a blessing!

-Black girl in therapy

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Faith Inspiration Personal Experiences Relationships Spiritual healing

Letter to the single mom… 

Dear beautiful,

After having my daughter, I felt like I didn’t deserve God’s grace because of what I’d done. My virginity was this treasure I kept; it set me apart and made me special
now it was gone. I felt worthless and finished. 
The open shame of my secret sin and the public evidence of it proved to be burdensome. I was ultimately avoiding love because I didn’t deserve it!

I wasn’t different anymore, I wasn’t special. I assumed God was like man, I assumed I had to earn His love and that failing Him meant He didn’t love me anymore. I couldn’t be more wrong! 

This very open shame proved to be a very public blessing. This treasure I gave birth to, is a great part of the reason I sought restoration. 

Fornication is wrong, there’s no excuse for it or pardoning of it by any means. But, if you’re a screw up like me that needs grace, and you desire to be pure and to give God all that’s left of you – do it! You’re not too dirty, you’re not used up, those stretch marks and that C-section scar do not mean a thing to the lover of your soul. 

You don’t have to live your life punishing yourself. Let God restore you, let Him heal those broken places and give your life and the life of the blessing(s) you bore over to Him and watch Him give you beauty for your ashes! 

My journey to wholeness began with 100 Days of Singleness, you can order the book HERE!


Live a little, love a lot, be a blessing! 

Categories
Christian God Healing Inspiration Personal Experiences Relationships Spiritual healing

Remind me who I am Lord!

Hey my love,

You have probably read lots of content on how to be a wife, how to be a great friend but what about how to be… you? One of the main things I learned during my 100 days of singleness journey was who I am.

It is imperative that we are able to clearly articulate and fully understand who we are in Christ before we try to find who we are supposed to marry.

Ask yourself these 3 questions:

  1. Without my job, relationship, family history or physical attributes; who am I?
  2. What is it that I am on the earth to accomplish?
  3. Who am I here to serve and how?

It’s okay if you get stuck, the journey to self discovery is a long one; asking the hard questions is the first step. Believe me, I can relate.

God has such a sense of humor, choosing me of all people to minister to the broken, lost and rejected of this generation.

Truth be told – I still have to remind myself that I am worth sticking around for, worth loving, worth cherishing.

Those moments I think back to twelve year old me waiting for my dad to show up… They remind me how desperately I needed a savior and it wasn’t my dad. I would have liked my dad to grab me and tell me how beautiful and amazing I was, it would have been great to understand that before now.

However, that’s not my reality. This scar, has become my testimony. This memory of a trampled and rejected heart drives me desperately to the presence of God and His presence makes everything okay. His gentle and sometimes urgent reminders of who I am, make my life worth living and my soul rejoice – my dad is cool but I know he can’t do that for me. It’s like, in some strange way, my father taught me that I don’t need his acceptance or his love to be great… I appreciate that.

My method used to be pretending I didn’t feel rejected at all….
which — didn’t work out very well. But God loves and accepts us in a way that overrides everything! His love is all consuming and never leaves! Whew! Do you feel that? Holy Spirit just embraced you to remind you that you’re amazing and deserve to be loved and you are loved  – Jesus thinks you’re to die for! Get it? Okay sorry for that… Here’s a consolation prize:

This song by Jason Gray reminds me when I forget, so I hope it does the same for you!

 

Hope you enjoyed your first tip; there’s 3 more that you are going to love!

Categories
Inspiration

Bad attitude, big problem…

It seems that these days we almost idolize having a bad attitude. We celebrate snarky comments and bad behavior and as a very sarcastic young lady myself – I get it.

However, do you have an off switch? 

  • Are you able to put the satire aside long enough to let people get close to you?
  •  Are you constantly afraid to be vulnerable?
  • Are you petrified of people getting to close to you?

                  
Well you my dear, are not just sarcastic… You’re broken. Satire can be a really cool personality trait with witty comebacks and hidden humor – or it can be a danger sign of insecurity.

“Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person.” ‭‭Colossians‬ ‭4:6‬ ‭NASB‬‬

If this is what scripture says about our speech, are we really following it? That’s not to say you can’t share in a nice healthy retort with close friends and family but if you find yourself using satire or sarcasm to mask how you really feel – stop. 

Take a moment and ask God right in this moment to reveal the hidden matters of your heart. Ask God to show you any fears of intimacy you may be faced with.  

Your attitude just may be causing you problems that can be avoided, especially when there are those who love you and genuinely want to get to know you better. Your constant sarcasm says “I’ll only let you in this far” and creates a brick wall between you and real intimacy.

I know, it’s a coping mechanism I used it myself for years and I still have to pause at times and allow Holy Spirit to check me … So umm, examine your heart and examine what’s really behind your bad attitude.  

Until next time,

Live a little, love a lot, be a blessing!

Categories
Christian Faith God God Healing health History Independence Inspiration Personal Experiences Relationships Spiritual healing Uncategorized

Swallowing the pills of the past…

God reprimanded me like only He can about he content I’ve shared on here. For something entitled “memoirs of Keisha” there was very little insight into my history so here goes!

A great deal of my childhood is blurred, based on my subconscious coping method of forgetting what hurt.

During my healing process, God forced me to face some truths. 

  1. My self loathing didn’t begin with the habitual cheating of my first real boyfriend.
  2. Despite my ability to help others, I was drowning in depression since childhood.
  3. I had no idea who I was and I spent my life allowing everyone else to tell me who I ought to be. 

So, here goes nothing. When I was 11, I hated everything around me. I was briefly separated from my mother and felt abandoned, I was sad but instead of talking I decided I would forget once and for all. My adolescence included great battles with suicide and failed attempts that made me feel like… You guessed it, a failure! I mean, I couldn’t even die right.

The world I pictured without me was better off. I would do everyone a favor and just disappear. I began self medicating, I stole my uncle’s pain medication and took a few – it left me in a daze for days (that rhymed) – but someone noticed. My aunt called me in and asked about the pills, my world crumbled, not only did I fail at dying – I had to now share the embarrassment with my aunt who was aware of my shortcomings.

I was sad, I had hurt I couldn’t explain so I pretended it didn’t exist. But – I couldn’t be sad, they would be disappointed… 

I wanted love, I just didn’t know where to find it, I didn’t know what it looked like.

Photo credit: rebloggy.com

To be continued… 

Categories
Christian Faith Fashion Healing History Inspiration Personal Experiences Relationships Spiritual healing

You don’t have to pretend life doesn’t hurt…

I read these words on page 32 of “Dear Mary” written by Sarah Jakes and I closed the book.No, there’s no fancy wordplay, no great deep meaning behind it. The transparency and simplicity of that statement, brought me to a place I had been before and desperately needed to tap into once again.

Sometimes life sucks.

Some days are bad, others are good, and we even have a few extraordinary ones but we cannot continue to pretend that the bad ones do not exist.

Heartache, hurt, lack and worry all plague us at some point. I am in no way condoning sulking – it’s just really annoying. What I am an advocate of is C.L.E.A.R. Take time to (CLEAR) and process. Here’s what it means:

Commit to understanding the root of what you’re feeling.

Learn yourself in a new way by exploring your reactions and feelings toward certain situations.

Earn the right in your own mind to be as forgiving to yourself as you are to others.

Assess the situation in prayer by committing your now clear feelings to Him.

Release every negative emotion and use this instance as a learning experience for future reference. (you may need to write it down)

After you’ve done all you can, which includes serious and specific prayer time.. then rest. We often misunderstand the active benefits in resting in God, it sends the message to Him that we trust Him even when life hurts and doesn’t make sense to us – we know it all works together for our good.

Wherever you are, whatever you are going through just remember you don’t have to pretend life does’t hurt! Take your time to get clear and watch God turn things around just for you! He loves you that much!

You can order the book “Dear Mary” from Amazon, just CLICK HERE!

Live a little, Love a lot, Be a blessing! 

ShaKeisha M. 

Categories
Christian Healing Inspiration Personal Experiences Spiritual healing

Breakdown on the breakdown… 

This weekend, I cried until my eyes burned. I sat in my shower and whimpered like an injured puppy, praying my daughter couldn’t hear me over the water running. 

Something I knew God sent me into, felt like it was falling apart right before my eyes and it hurt! I prayed and prayed and still felt no peace. I didn’t understand why God would allow me to be hurt this way, and I wanted Him to make it stop! I fought back tears that came from the most lonely, desolate chambers of my heart and I was ashamed of them. Every tear made me feel unworthy of the life and ministry God has so graciously led me to lead. 

But who am I? Unworthy! My tears, my breakdown and subsequent prayer of great abandon just reminded me that I’m human! It reminded me that God reigns supreme, above my need to know everything and my desire to feel some level of control. 

I had nothing left but to strain out “God I need you to fix this, I can’t fix this, I need you to show me what to do because I don’t know! I don’t know anything and this hurts!!!” 
I felt a desperation and anguish that beckoned God’s presence. I needed Him and He came, He gave me His peace. He reminded me that He’s in control and I’m in the passenger seat. I’m grateful for the breakdown that put me right where I needed to be – at the feet of Jesus. 

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Christian Faith Healing Inspiration Relationships Spiritual healing

Here’s why you’re not healed…

You don’t want to be.

Now before you go on explaining how hard it it and how many times you’ve tried, I get it. But I also get that you’ve stopped trying. You’ve grown so attached to your hurt, you believe it to be a part of who you are. It’s not. 

Just because you don’t acknowled your pain, just because you don’t show it the way another person might – doesn’t render it nonexistent!

You’re not healed from that breakup, that let-down, that broken friendship, the neglect from that parent, that abusive relationship. You’re not healed because you’ve decided to bury it, rather than expose it to the light that casts the darkness out of our hearts. Jesus is that light. 

Will you do me a favor and at least admit that your hurting? Admit that you’re holding onto broken memories and relationships because I’m your mind; feeling that pain is so much easier than the pain you feel when you’re alone? Will you admit that you don’t even feel like you deserve healing? 

Admit it to yourself. Pray on it. If you need a listening ear, contact me. I guarantee the only other soul I’ll speak to about it is the Lord, I want to help you move from that broken place. 

Send me a message at crossmyheartministry2014@gmail.com and let’s start moving toward your healing!  

 

Categories
Christian Healing Inspiration Personal Experiences Relationships Spiritual healing

Crazy girlfriends be like…

Don’t be afraid to face your truth and acknowledge that your behavior comes from a place of hurt! 

 

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Christian Faith Healing Inspiration Personal Experiences Spiritual healing

I can’t take all the pressure…

I’m so afraid to fall. Sometimes I get petrified at the very thought of dropping the ball, of not being what I’m expected to be. After all, I’m responsible for those that look at me as a representation of Christ right? I think Pressure by Jonathan McReynolds hit the nail om the head for me – I’ve been listening all morning.

Lord I need you to relieve the pressure, not just from me but for every person that is earnestly seeking to please you. Help us not to allow the voice of others to dictate who we should be. Help us not to believe the lie that there is just one way to follow you. Help us to be who we are, help us to please you by being us and not a cookie-cutter replica of a good Christian.

I don’t know when it happened, I don’t know how but somehow I lost sight of the fact that it is you alone that I aim to please. Everyday I am constantly reminded of the expectations that I may not always live up to, of the way I should look or act to be accepted. Help me to remember that you have already approved me Lord. Remind us Lord that it is your power and not our own righteousness or works that sustains us and the work you have begun in us.

But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of power may be of God and not of us.                – 2 Corinthians 5:7


Let us pray:

Holy and omnipotent God, lover of our soul. Bring us back to you, reconcile our motives and hearts back to you, back to the place where you are our influence and our standard. God relieve the pressure and stress of living up to expectations that did not come from you. Help us to differentiate between your standard and their opinion. God you matter, you alone matter. Give us your heart. Glory be to your name Lord, we receive your peace in this moment and declare it for the entire body of Christ!

In Jesus’ majestic and powerful name, amen.